Good evening! (...for you Jeff Dunham fans...continue if you will.. ) :D
This post will be a bit more serious than my blogs of the past, simply because writing is a good outlet for me and I feel I need to get this off my chest before I begin to work on a little inner turmoil that I've held in for a long time. I will start by saying that for years I've struggled with a crazy little nagging voice in my brain that tells me I have to people please. I realize, this is an IMPOSSIBLE task. It is. You just cannot please every single person you meet/work with/are friends with. I get it.
So why is it so damn difficult to make that little voice SHUT UP? Well, I don't know. I'm not a therapist/ologist/aitrist. I mean sure I took a few psych classes in college, but I'm in no way an expert.
But, I had an event in High School that kind of threw me for a loop because either a.) I was too blind to realize it was coming, or b.) the person that looped me was just a complete a-hole. Looking back, I'm inclined to think it was both.
Let's just say that because of that, I have had this rediculous need to make sure that I am liked by everyone and not step on any toes or make decisions based on what I think people want to hear. However if you know me, it is hard for me not to do so because I can be critical, and stubborn and simply a pain in the ass sometimes!
So, what is my point? Point...point, ah, okay. My point is, I have decided that this is the year I get rid of that rediculous notion. It's not logical! I know I don't like everyone, so there is no reason for everyone to like me or like how I do things. Changing the way I think, and ultimately lowering my stress level on the subject. This will not be an overnight project. You can't just wake up one morning and say,
"Oh no! I will not think that way today! Your words/actions don't bother me!" When, unfortunately, it IS the way you've been thinking for the last 10 years. Who knows..it might take me 10 years to unthink that way. It is also time I start standing up for myself, and not cowering when confronted by anyone. I am not a door mat.
So to begin my new way of thinking, I would like to offer this letter to a certain current person in my life whom I will no longer tolerate their dispassion for who I am, and the way I do things.
To Whomever,
This letter is to declare that I no longer care what you think. I cannot please you, nor have I ever been able to. I have found absolutely no reason to bend over backwards catering to your distaste for how I do my work, and I see no reason to have you in my life. You were never a friend in any capacity and it took awhile for me to understand that. I don't know why. To me, you are nothing more than a jealous being, and I am sorry that you feel I have wronged you in some way. I cannot help it if others value my work, and that you feel so strongly that I have stolen your thunder.
It would make me happy if you would come to me and talk, rather than manipulate the syetem to try and bring me down, but that is not the kind of person you are. Karma, my dear, is mysterious and you never know when it will bite. If you think I will cower, I will not. Instead I will strive to do even better so that I know when the time comes I can be proud of things I have done. This is the begining of the new me. I hope you enjoy the ride, because I know I will.
Sincerely,
Me
I hope I am ready for this new me! Haha. It might be a long road, but I'm definitely up for the challenge.
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