Saturday started easily enough- wake up, put on battle gear, add a bit of zombie makeup.
A quick trip to Dunkin Donuts for some coolattas and breakfast food and we were off to the races! Until we hit the traffic. Once we found out that you could join a subsequent wave, we partied..to Thriller and Heads Will Roll. (YES, THE GLEE ONE.)
After about an hour and a half we made it to the parking lot, and discovered what the hold up was. Mud. Lots and lots of it. The parking attendants were very patient (at least it seemed to us) while they pushed AJ's poor car out. Civics are awesome, but we ride low!
The Registration tent was a bit chaotic, but manageable, and we got our racing gear- Numbers- Mine was 5307, 3 flags for our "Life Force" and a chip to register our times. Once our things were settled, we hopped into the next wave- 2:30 p.m. Insanity ensues. :)
Obstacle 1- Hay Pyramids, Zombie Melee. Jogged this whole way! Up and over the hay mountain no problem. What made it extremely nerve wracking was the screaming and noises coming from the other side. It's a bit daunting knowing that you're about to be tested by Ninja spinning and dodging zombified people. I actually made it through unscathed! Zombies were on point and FAST, but I eluded the masses. Kristi and AJ did the same, while Helen and Kathy became instant zombies. :) Kristi even did her De-de move from Next Friday. The zombie broke character a bit and told her to go because he was cracking up.
Obstacle 2 - Rope Ladders. Because we were of a slower persuasion, it wasn't too bad at the obstacles in terms of getting backed up. It did mean, however, that we were bigger targets. Made it over the rope obstacle no problem- all flags in tact and on to obstacle 3.
Obstacle 3 - The Terrible Tubes. Not so terrible, but oh so fun! I loved waiting out the zombie-nuns...I don't think I've ever sprinted from a terrible tube so quickly! ;-) Or run from a nun so fast! One of my favorite zombies of the day lived at this one, too. We named him "The Red Neck Zombie"because honestly, I don't know what else to call him? Turbo Zombie? This was the fastest mother fucker I have ever seen! He stole a flag from AJ while her back was turned and it happened so fast we didn't even hear him coming! We meet him later, also...
Obstacle 4- The Theatre. You know how in camps they have the wooden structures with bench seating outside? That's what this was. Only add zombies and a hill and you've got...the obstacle that broke the group. It wasn't even an obstacle, really, but I made it one because it physically took me out running away from the hoarde. So much so that I lost a flag and we had to park it under a tree to catch our legs. We rested enough to press on and press on we did...shakily...and walking.
Obstacle 5- The Muddy Hay Maze. This one was one of my favorites. There was a crowd of spectators that turned this course into a screaming, confusing melee. Upon Entrance, we were greeted by a person that informed us that you could pick up flags and replenish your health, if you could beat the zombie. We did not know this! We noticed a HUGE pile of red flags..under a blonde haired zombie. And he was waving us on as to say "Come on, I dare you...take a flag." I imagined this in a Russian accent in my head, because it makes it more bad ass. Surprisingly enough, I got a flag! WOO! Score one for the Fluffies! Kristi and AJ did as well, if I'm not mistaken, as did Kathy. We were on a roll. When the mud came, we slipped and slid and the spectators hollering made it so confusing. I imagine that's what its like when you're trying to make a decision on the Price is Right- HOW MUCH DO I BID?A FLAG!? I went thr wrong way to be confronted screams of "YOU MISSED THE EXIT! TURN AROUND! GAAAAHHH! Found the exit- Exited. Jesus.
Obstacle 6 - Zombie Hoarde - Down the Hill! We stopped before this one again, mainly because my asthma started to kick in little and I needed to untighten. Apparently everyone else felt the same, including some awesome people we kept running into along the course. We took it on together- it was a very kum-ba-ya moment! Complete Strangers helping for the greater good- okay, okay. We took on that Zombie Hoarde. Lost both of my remaning flags. BUT WAIT! I had picked one up in the Hay Maze! One left.
The next little while was the group trekking through the woods and encountering an occasional zombie and chatting up some very nice ones. They were walking the course, but taking a break because they were out of character. Which was good because we had encountered them earlier on and they were DEFINITELY in character the first time..their costumes were GREAT!
Obstacle 7 - The Cliffs of Insanity. What. The. Hell. This was the most insane, INSANE. IN. SANE. Hill I have ever climbed. It's like the imported a mountain. Half way down, some really nice ladies helped Helen down because she might have tucked and rolled..and Kristi said "Well, at least it's just down hill!" WRONG! Wrong, wrong, wrongwrongwrong. There was an up, also, and up was muddy. I used my hands to crawl it. But hey, we made it! Into...
Obstacle 8 - Zombie Hoarde. You want water? DEFEAT THE ZOMBIES. This was by far the most aggressive group we had encountered yet. They had a screamer, a spiderman, and a whole bunch others, and they were serious. One guy had his numbers ripped off! The runner was annoyed because his free beer ticket went with it, but he was being funny about it. And the zombie returned his ticket. :) "I don't care about my numbers, I just want my beer!!" Funny. :)
Our poor legs were jelly, and water called our names, so we took about a minute or two ro rest and watch wave after wave after wave of fresh meat try and outrun the zombies with their jelly legs. Probably the most entertaining part of the day for me. :)
Obstacle 9 - Over Unders. Pretty self explanatory, doesn't need much of an explanation. :) Easy-peasy.
Obstacle 10 - Wall of Death. This was my other favorite obstacle. Climb the wall, slide down the wall. Wall is 15 feet high and some people were scared! It made me feel better knowing this because I thought for SURE we'd never make it to this obstacle. Yet here I was, on top of the world and taking names. No wall will impede my will to live! :) Besides, how often do you get to go down a slide? They don't make them big enough for adults any more!
Obstacle 11 - Intestines. Okay, I don't know if it was an obstacle, but whatever. We had to go through it.
Obstacle 12 - Water Trough. After expending this much energy, I was HOT. 59 degree weather, and I was sweaty and hot. Kristi put in her goggles and trudged through. The lady in front of me caught her foot, and went face first into the crap. I'm pretty sure I made a "OH SHIT" face, and said something to that effect. In I went! It came up at about the top of my thigh and fely AWESOME. Red dye and all!
Obstacle 13 - "Baby Shit Mountain". Someone online dubbed it this, not me, but honestly, that's what it was like. The mud smelled awful, and it was super thick- my shoes were sticking and getting sucked off. It was slow going- let me tell you. I was waiting to get sucked in completely. When we got to the top, AJ tried to run past a zombie- only to slip and fall and chest plant into the mud...again...But at this point, we were so sloppy no one gave a crap! Haha. We kept our flags though, which was awesome because the next obstacle..
Finish Line- If you follow my facebook at all, you'll know this was the cause of a lot of stress for a few months. I practiced climbing chain link fences to no avail and I was worried. Which was stupid because the "Chain Link Fence" *was* a chain link fence...that you had to get UNDER. No climbing! IT WAS AWESOME! The crowd chanted "Slide! Slide! Slide!" and how could you not? Kathy's whole body language changed as she charged and slid. Kristi put her goggles back on and slid head first. We all slid one way or another, and me? I attempted to do a feet first slide, only to slam my face into the fence. But who cares, right? We had fun. I wasn't hurt, I HAD A FLAG LEFT! My official time: 1 Hour 24 Minutes. Not a marathon runner's time, but I came in under my goal, so yay THAT. FAT GIRLS CAN RUN AN OBSTACLE MARATHON AND FINISH! SO THERE!
This was by far one of the most gratifying, rewarding, exhausting, challenging and FUN experiences I have ever had. We had such a great time, and can't wait to do another. We were thinking perhaps Warrior Dash, or praying that they'll come back to Maryland. I am sore and achy, but I feel my pain with pride. THANKS, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
NINJA TURTLES! WHAT!
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